What was I Thinking?

So I finally got my financial package to Hopkins.  I only have to come up with a $38,000 supplemental loan in order to pay the tuition.  Plus somehow get money to live off of, and to be honest, I don't think they give living expense loans to undergrads.  I think that that is a grad school thing.  I'm not sure what I was thinking when I applied to nursing school, how in the world did I think I was going to afford it??  Obviously I am not going to take out a supplemental loan of $38,000, if I even knew what type of loan that was.  I maxed out on federal loans (the limit is so low for undergrad), so maybe they are thinking private loans or something??  Maybe it's because I turned my paperwork in late and they didn't have much money left?  Who know, I just know it's not possible.

I still haven't heard from Maryland and even if I did get in, without living expense loans there is no way I can actually go.  My husband's salary won't even cover our rent, so we can't survive on it.  We'd need a little money to live off of and I am not sure that federal loans cover that.  

So I am trying to figure out what my options are...which are few and far between.  Of course I will try and meet with the financial aid people at Hopkins and see what they say.  But I have to be realistic...I kind of doubt they will give me an additional $38,000.  Maybe it's best to wait a year and apply to a direct-entry Master's program, because I would at least get more federal aid for a program that was considered graduate level.  Maybe it's best to just think realistically and put nursing school on hold and think about my life plan if I were to not attend.  Or maybe look at the RN program at the community college and see whether it's a possibility to go there part time and then transfer to a RN-MSN program or something.  None of the options sound great to me - since I kinda had my heart set on attending this fall.

I don't know.  It was so much easier making decisions when I only had to worry about myself.  Maybe it was a bit selfish to think that I could go back to school with a husband and child to support.  I will have to ponder these options for a while and see what works out.  When I applied I was just hoping something would work out and a miracle would happen and I'd somehow be able to go.  Umm, not the best plan.  Miracles don't happen that often for me.

Just this little miracle.