Maybe there are some good things

On Sunday I made a quick call to Honduras to wish my host mom, Alba, a Happy Birthday.  Her birthday was actually Saturday, but I was so busy on Saturday that I remembered in the morning but forgot to actually call her.  I’m a bad host daughter.  That’s her on the right – she’s super sweet!

Anyway, after a short time she asked how Ivan was so I passed the phone to him.  As I was washing up the dishes I heard him talking to her, and it made me smile.

He talked about our new apartment, how we’re trying to buy a new sofa, that I changed my last name, that we’re trying to save for a vacation, how I start classes at the end of the month, how he’s starting English classes this month, about our trip to Minnesota for my Uncle’s funeral, etc. 

Why is this significant?  Well, because I would venture to say that about 60% of the time hubs misses home.  Although he’s been here over a year, everything is still a mystery.  I know that often he doesn’t feel comfortable, he doesn’t have a place to “hang out” where he can go to and expect to run into a bunch of friends, he doesn’t have family, he doesn’t have the same type of friends he has in Honduras, he doesn’t speak the language well, he still can’t drive, and many other things.  To those who don’t know, it is HARD to adjust to a new place.  Many people move from say Boston to San Diego and have a hard time adjusting – and he was moving from the rural areas of Honduras to suburban DC. 

Quite a big change.

And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t worry about him every single day.  It wasn’t made apparent to me until we went back to Honduras for a visit and the Ivan I knew and fell in love with emerged again (and according to him, the Kattrina he knew and loved re-emerged too – apparently we are both more relaxed and fun in Honduras).  He was smiling all the time, in a great mood, and genuinely happy.  I only see that person every once in a while – usually in the US he is more subdued, has lots of headaches, is tired, and way less sociable.  I know it’s hard for him and I know he came here because he loves me.  However, every once in a while I wonder if he thinks it’s worth it or if he would do it again given the choice.  I wouldn’t say that he doesn’t have fun and we don’t enjoy our life together here – we do – but he still feels the pull of his old life.

Plus, I remember how it was when I was there.  A lot of times I wanted to just hang out in my house all by myself and not have to talk to someone in Spanish or sit around feeling like an outsider.  It is exhausting trying to fit into a foreign culture!

So, just listening to him talk about our life here and talking about the future and things we’re working towards made me so happy.  There are things that he’s excited about here and there are things he looks forward to and ultimately, maybe there is hope that he’ll adjust and learn to like it here.

I know that the US will probably never really be his home, but I really hope that one day he sees it as one of his homes.  And of course, I want him to be happy here so badly.  And that little glimpse into his mind makes me hope that maybe things are changing slowly.  Very slowly, but slowly all the same.

And either way – I still love him lots – cultural differences and all!!!